So unlike the rest of my fellow drive-thru using Americans, my New Year's resolution was NOT to lose weight but to find that BITCH. Oh yeah, I forgot everyone else calls her Love. Now technically if you play the numbers game this should be a realistic goal. There are 1,786,345,699 people walking around the United States. By the way that's a complete guess from what I can remember from poll figures that flashed on CNN during the election coverage. Okay I tend to digress. Anyway, taking those numbers into a count. I should be able to find a spouse in there with all her hair, full set of teeth, decent hygeine and relatively compatible to me. Right? Right! But here's my real problem. My real obstacle. The two D's preventing me from finding that BITCH. By the way I'll explain later why I call her "that BITCH". Moving on to those two D's plaguing me. The first is that I have a Dick and for some reason I can't keep IT in my pants. It's like when Houdini died he came back as my dick. No matter the zipper, button, boxers, briefs, padlocks, cement, minature cuffs and hair rollers that try to contain my Dick...that muthafucka escapes everytime. Every pretty woman becomes a brand new audience to show a brand new trick. And yes, with practice my Dick learns new tricks. The second D is...I don't Dink clearly when a I see a pretty smile. And yes I just substituted the "th" for a "D" to make my point, but I could've swore my other issue started with a "D" when I started typing.
My female friends tell me that if I want to find love I need to stop trying to get laid. "Hey man man, keep it in your pans pans". I don't like that strategy. I don't understand why I can't just multitask and go for both but, I'm open to trying new things.
So last Friday I called this woman I had met earlier that week to ask her on a date. You know...the pick-up, the dinner, the awkward kiss and then the drop-off. Right? Right! Okay so she answers on the second ring, loves my idea to go for saki and sushi, but decides she has a better suggestion. She wants me to come over to watch Leno and drink wine. Now I know what you're thinking...awesome chick she loves Leno. Who doesn't love Leno? So I took her up on her offer.
Very very very long story made short. I walked in she offered me wine. Then she refilled my glass. We laughed. She refilled my glass. Next came the naked aerobics. Which might interest those of you whose resolution was to lose weight. After it was all said, but mostly done, I got dressed. She refilled my glass. And when I finished my drink and left, I felt dirty. I had allowed my dick to score another victory. I abandoned my heart once again. Although I had added another notch to the belt I was alone on that drive home. I was lonely that night in bed. Shit! How am I ever going to find that BITCH at this rate?
First of all, if you look for a bitch that's what you will get. I don't think you want that. You just want to talk nasty!
ReplyDeleteSecond, until you find that one woman with pussy so good that it will make you dick mindless, you should slow down. You need a woman with a snapper (tight, always wet, great)pussy. She will sex you anytime, anyplace, all environments in any situation. When you find her, she will slow you down. Therefore, you have to see where her head is first. Talk to her for about a week before you sex her. She will have you yearning, wanting and when you get it, wherever you are. She will turn aerobics into palates, palates into yoga, yoga into utopia. Understand?
Third, stop looking at pretty faces and smiles, they are everywhere. Look at her heart and her ability to help you increase. If you look at it from this perspective, you know she will totally satisfy you. But, you can't find her if you don't get to know her.
As far as your date, she was as open as you. You need to find a woman who would choose the saki and sushi (not too much saki) instead of a house party, you know where that was going to lead.
And yes at this rate, you will find a bitch, not a lady.